when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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