so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
