do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize