oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
