Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
