When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
