I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize