you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
