looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need a beard to bite.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize