it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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