if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
