Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
