what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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