sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
