oh god the rape fog is back!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
