i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
