Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
