He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
