it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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