do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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