You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
