me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
