you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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