I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
