I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
