please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
