READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
