i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
