doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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