i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
