just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
