I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
