I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
