so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
