You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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