So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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