Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I could make wine with my vomit
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
