i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize