Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
