Tell her she can't have a vagina
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
dude. I can hear the air.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
