You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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