They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
