she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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