Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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