God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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