so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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