I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
