My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
