She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
