What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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