Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
