I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
