Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
God, I missed his penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
