Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
