There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
