im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
