why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
