Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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