I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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