I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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