That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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