She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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