im about as happy as oj after his trial
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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