Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
