she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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